Simple Minded 4 STOLEN borrowed FROM THE XFILER
by danascully6
Summary: Idea borrowed from The X-Filer with permission. Mulder and Scully have another weird conversation. Not as good as The X-Filer's but give it a go : R&R PLEASE! Let Me know if you want more! Here is the fourth installment of craziness!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is an idea borrowed from The X-Filer so its down to her that this came about :). Hmmm…. Don't know how good it will be but it's worth the try because it looks like fun :P Let me know what you think and if you want more :)

Mulder: Scully, where'd the water cooler go?

Scully: It's broken Mulder.

**Pause**

Mulder: You mean it's ill?

Scully: No Mulder it's broken.

Mulder: Where is it?

Scully: It's gone Mulder.

Mulder: Why'd it go?

Scully: Because it's broken Mulder.

**Pause**

Mulder: Can I see it?

Scully: No Mulder.

Mulder: Why? *looks hurt*

Scully: Because I don't know where it is Mulder.

**Pause**

Mulder: Scully….

Scully: Yes Mulder?

**Pause**

Mulder: Has it gone to heaven?

Scully: Yes Mulder, it's gone to heaven.

**Pause**

Mulder: Did you know my alien died?

Scully: Oh no Mulder! Really?

Mulder: Yeah…. I put it in my freezer.

Scully: You did what?

**Pause**

Mulder: I have a plant Scully.

Scully: No! Really?

Mulder: *looks pleased with himself* Yeah!

**Pause**

**Scully's stomach rumbles **

Mulder: AAAAH!! A monster!!

Scully: Ugh…. I'm going home.

Mulder: Don't let the monster get you!

**Silence**

Mulder: Scully? Scuuuully? Damnit. The monster got her.

**Pause**

Mulder: Alright Steve? *Talks to potted plant* Know anything about science?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Well, people seemed to have liked my first attempt so, here comes the second one!! Mulder has a strange experience.

Mulder: What's going on?!

CLUNK!!

Mulder: Hmmm…. Excuse me? You seem to have eaten my report.

SCHHHHHHHHHH!

Mulder: Well….! The language!!

CLUNK CLUNK….

Mulder: Well actually, I was thinking about wearing a tie tomorrow but…. STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT! I need the damn report back!!

CLUCK.

Mulder: What are you now, a chicken? Skinner is gonna pluck me like a chicken if I don't get the DAMN REPORT TO HIM SOON!

SCHHHHHHHHHH!

Mulder: Sure. Fine. Whatever. Now….

NNNNNNNGGGHHH!

Mulder: You really think so? Well you're not so bad yourself.

CLUNK CLUNK, CLUNK.

Mulder: No, I do not fancy Scully! But we have _all _seen how you look at Agent Reyes. That's a totally different matter.

CLUNK CLUNK, CLUNK.

Mulder: Oh you do! You liar!! Of course you do! Ohhh….!! I'm getting distracted, where's my report Mister?

CLUNK CLUNK, CLUNK.

Mulder: Fine. I will talk to Skinner. NOW GIVE ME MY REPORT.

CLUNK.

Mulder: Fiiiine! I will get you a date with the cute shredder if you just pleeeease, give me the report.

_**Scully walks in just as the photocopier spits out the report unscathed. **_

Scully: Mulder, what on earth are you doing?!

Mulder: I was, just… errrm… photocopying my report for Skinner.

Scully: Who were you talking to? I heard you talking *Gives him a suspicious look*

Mulder: Oh, that. The photocopier…

Scully: You were talking to the photocopier??

Mulder: Yes, but he started it!

WHIRRR!!

Mulder: See!! Now he's arguing with me!!

Scully: *gives Mulder strange look* Mulder… Now, some very nice men in white coats are going to come and take you somewhere very nice…

Mulder: No Scully! Ugh… forget it.

WHIRR!!! WHIIIIIRR!!!!

Mulder: Yes I am going to forget it.

WHIIIRRR!! CLUNK.

Mulder: Oh shut up or I will unplug you.

SILENCE

Mulder: Thank you. Now, Scully, what's our next case??

Scully: *worried look* Erm… I think its about a man who can talk to inanimate objects….


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I am having so much fun writing these I can't bring myself to return to my normal style of writing!! Well anyway here is another one, just for you :D

Mulder: *croaks* Scully… My throat's ill…

Scully: Mulder! You sound terrible! You shouldn't be here in this state! *puts her hand to his forehead* Oh Mulder… you have a temperature! Do yourself a favour… and go home.

Mulder: No Scully!! What would you do?

Scully: Don't you worry about me Mulder, I'll be fine, JUST GO HOME.

Mulder: Why does my throat hurt Scully?

Scully: Because you are ill Mulder.

Mulder: But _why _does it hurt?

Scully: Because bacteria has entered your body and your body has to create antibodies to fight off the infection. But the active site of each antibody only fits one infection, so your body has to code the proteins to make the enzymes to kill the infection.

Mulder: Huh?

Scully: Because, Mulder, there are tiny little microbes in your body and, your body doesn't like them so it has to find a way of killing them.

Mulder: AAAAHHH!!! Get them out!!!

Scully: Calm down Mulder. The only way to get them out is to stay at home until you feel better.

Mulder: Okay Scully….. *Picks up his things and disappears out of the door.*

Scully: *to herself* Aaah… This is more like it. I think I'll watch a bit of TV. Hope Mulder's okay.

_**Scully sits down at the desk and rests her feet on the desktop, much like Mulder does. She switches on the TV using the remote.**_

Scully: What the….? What is this?!?!

_**Two women appear on the scree, (A/N: I'm pretty sure everyone reading knows what they are doing. Knowing Mulder….)**_

Scully: Mulder, you dirty son of a bitch….

_**Scully decides she should turn off the television now, but something keeps her watching. **_

_**15 minutes later**_

_**Mulder walks in.**_

Mulder: Scully..? What are you watching? Whichever video you found in that VCR, it wasn't mine.

Scully: I… erm…. *switches off TV hastily* I wasn't watching anything Mulder.

Mulder: Yeah… right… *switches TV back on and sits down*

Scully: Mulder, what are you doing?

Mulder: I thought I would join you.

Scully: Alright….

_**2 minutes later**_

Scully: What is she…..?

Mulder: That's gotta hurt…

*Cow moos*

Scully: I can't believe I'm doing this…. Anyway, how's the throat?

Mulder: Oh, _much _better now!

**A/N: Not as long or as good as the others, a little different, but I hope you liked it :) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE R&R!!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Okay, so here is another masterpiece (lol)! Sorry it's been so long, I've not been at school coz I've had a chest infection and havn't done anything for the last 5 days…. Anyway I' m back now, still coughing, but I'm alive, so here goes :)**

Mulder: Morning *smiles*

SILENCE

Mulder: Hello?

SILENCE

Mulder: What, not speaking to me now? Fine! I don't need you! I don't care! You're just a stupid water cooler!

SILENCE

Mulder: By the way Skinner said no! And, the plant said, he does hate you!!

SILENCE

Mulder: Nothing…. *sighs*

SILENCE

Mulder: What is your problem?!?! You make me look stupid in front of Scully, and Skinner and then you just shut up. You stop talking!

SILENCE

Mulder: Hmmmm…. Maybe… Maybe I was going mad?? Hey, Water Cooler! How about if I went out and bought you a brand new… ICE MACHINE!

SILENCE

Mulder: What the….? I don't get it. I think I'm gonna have to arrange that counselling session after all. Where's Scully?

_Scully walks in_

Scully: Oh Mulder, you're not talking to that water cooler _again _are you?!

Mulder: No, actually, he wont speak to me. I think I have done something to offend him. Anyway, I have to go. I have a meeting to arrange. *walks away shaking his head and mumbling to himself*

_**Mulder walks out of the room leaving Scully standing alone**_

Scully: Right, I wouldn't normally do this, but, hello.

SILENCE

Scully: Hmmm.. Is something wrong…?

BUBBLE

Scully: Really? Well… hang let me just… *Scully walks over to the water cooler thermostat* How much?

BUBBLE

Scully: Ok then. *Scully turns the thermostat down so that the temperature of the water drops 2o*

BUBBLE!!

Scully: Is that better? You seem happier now *smiles*

BUBBLE, BUBBLE

Scully: Good *smiles again* So, how are you?

BUBBLE

Scully: Yes I'm fine thank you. Hey, has anyone fixed the photocopier yet?

BUBBLE?

Scully: Yes, it was broken, had you not heard?

BUBBLE, BUUUUBBLE….

Scully: Ohh… I'm sorry… You want me to, what?

BUBBLE.

Scully: No, I'm not going to give it some flowers! It will be fine, alright?!

BUBBLE!

Scully: Oh shush. Calm down, or you will warm up again. Now, don't worry, I will keep you updated okay?

BUBBLE..

Scully: That's more like it.

_**Mulder walks back into the room having made his counselling appointment. **_

Mulder: Scully, ermm…. Who are you talking to?

Scully: No-one…

Mulder: You were talking to the water cooler weren't you?!?!?

Scully: No…

Mulder: SEE?! I told you! I'm not mad! *insane cackle*

Scully: *odd look directed at Mulder* Right. Well. I have some paperwork to tend to. See you later Mulder.

_**Scully walks off towards their office contemplating the fact that she had just been talking to a water cooler…**_

Mulder: *hums*

SILENCE

Mulder: Ah fine… *sighs* Why did you talk to Scully, and not me?!

BUBBLE….

Mulder: But, what did I do?

BUBB BUBB BUBBLE!

Mulder: I'm sorry about not being able to get hold of another water cooler…

BUBBLE….

Mulder: Friends?

BUBBLE.

Mulder: *hugs water cooler* Yay! I'm so glad we're still friends… *contented sigh*

_**As Mulder walks away, AD Skinner walks further into the room from the left where he had been standing watching the whole proceedings. **_

Skinner: Mulder and Scully….. talking to… a water cooler? Christ, I really need to get them some proper cases… or some medical help….

BUBBLE.

_**Skinner turns to look at the water cooler, and then turns away, in true X-Files style.**_

**A/N: I hope you liked it!! Its kinda getting a bit silly now lol, but so long as you still like them I will keep writing :D Sorry it took soooo long to update, I have had a load of weird stuff going on in my life and I have been seriously ill (since the chest infection) I haven't had much luck on the health side of things :/**

**PLEASE R&R!! Luv y'all xx**


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